May 2013
9 posts
heaping mound of shit with vaguely anthropomorphic maggot egg eyes
transparent reactions regarding an oblique...
is “if i could love you so much […]” a coy portrayal of one’s sentiment—an offer, perhaps, to communicate the vulgarities of the heart with a diminishing five second snapchat of some juggs—or an earnest question riddled, or at least bound, by logistical (or shall we say rational) contingencies i.e. this would be impossible
“in [my] private time” seems like a...
barbara kruger fails to rebrand trix cereal
‘on adoration’ can be read here
April 2013
2 posts
one time i saw a pigeon eating another pigeon on the street, the latter who had fallen in modern society. the cannibalistic pigeon didn’t know what cannibalism was, let alone was attuned to the stigma attached. i recall it was during ‘farmers market,’ by one of those public fountains with once-provocative architecture now deemed antiquated over time. now we’re just left...
rebellious oreo will be eaten first
March 2013
5 posts
Listen
Listen
supplemental material
browsing taco bell’s burritos — i was seduced by their amazing website — immediately brought to mind fleshlights — another awesome website — off of which “taco bell burrito as fleshlight: an inquiry” was based. implicating and using such product shots, whose irony can only be argued, was legally suspect, so thought catalog editors actually went out and...
February 2013
1 post
Dear Depressive
Asked anonymously over the internet by today’s troubled youth, questions concerning relationships, dating, sex, depression, emotional problems, popular culture, and education/career choices are perilously answered by Jimmy Chen, who emphatically offers suspect advice — at once sarcastic, brutally honest, unabashed, but ultimately in empathy — from a place of inner turmoil, manic plight, and...
November 2012
12 posts
i feel bad for k.d. lang. she’s gained a lot of weight and gives off a guy fieri vibe, like she might tilt her head and eat something massive at any moment — and the haircut doesn’t help. she’s been touring again and i think she bought david byrne’s fancy avante-fat suit. i actually relate to lesbians who might not get chicks that easily, like i know how it feels to...
both U2 and Metallica’s video for their song ‘one’ features shots of bono and james hetfield getting all serious for the camera and taking the song and their feelings and careers like way too seriously. bono is in a bar somewhere in europe drinking heinekens and smoking cigs being all sexy n’ nihilistic or something. it’s like that 2:00 a.m. fuck me look. the reason...
on my obsession with nicole eggert here, and an okcupid farce here
somebody who thought they were ‘hot shit’ drew a frog on the dry-erase board at work. i will admit it’s a good frog, in terms of capturing the essence of a frog, for like a t-shirt design, logo, or for a 4-year-old girl to understand. it shows a deft hand, but the casual ‘doodle feel’ of it leaves me unsatisfied. the frog is less of a fully realized character, and...
Interview w/ FedEx guy at work
Jimmy Chen: How long have you worked for FedEx?
Tim Anderson: 25 years.
JC: Have you seen Cast Away?
TA: No.
JC: But you are aware the main character was a FedEx employee, which kind of has a lot to do with the movie.
TA: Well, FedEx took the whole Bay Area to the movie. They rented a theatre and…free popcorn but I didn’t go.
JC: How can you not be interested in what happens to the FedEx...
at least once every two weeks — i don’t know why, seems unproductive — i contemplate the large ass that sir mix-a-lot stood on during much of “baby got back,” which came out in 1992, after nirvana took over the world, but fortunately people still had some emotional/mental room left for this video. basically, if you don’t remember or were too young, sir...
what i did today
• had coffee and oatmeal at ‘coffee bar’ and worked on drafts; reviewed ‘shallow hal’; tweeted
• rode bike to whole foods for paella items (mussels, tiger shrimp, tilapia); walked bike home since i was carrying a bag; sliced part of my thumb cutting bell peppers
• made 6 servings of paella and ate 4 servings; fell into mild depression and realized i...
some notes on shallow hal
shallow hal (2001) is one of my favorite movies because it contains ‘mind blowing’ perspective changes (subjective first→omniscient third) usually reserved or heralded in literature or high cinema; basically, hal larson (jack black), in a hypnotic state — there are allusions to siddhartha and transformation, except it happens in an elevator instead of...
seems like movies are pretty extreme, like people die or almost die in these really dramatic over-the-top ways and the cinematographer or director’s gotta be all “hey let’s put the camera right next to their face so it’s like the audience is right there” and i’m like “duh okay i get it, you want to make an emotionally moving movie via looking up...
‘POV blowjob’ is a popular search term whose yield is a bounty of fellating women looking into the camera from the perspective of the recipient. sometimes she ‘screws up’ and looks at the man, away from the camera, thus upsetting the forth wall. during these times, i ‘mentally switch’/leap into the male actor’s consciousness, like some borges or faulkner...
i got a fancy comcast ‘triple pack’ for $99.00, which means each of my TV, internet and phone is $33.33 dollars. here is why i need each one:
TV: i like to have competitive reality TV (next iron chef; food network star; top chef; face/off; america’s next top model; wipeout) and the occasional feel good somewhat harrowing movie (shawshank redemption; good will hunting; the...
October 2012
7 posts
new yorker cartoon
what i’ve been looking for
i looked up ‘google maps’ to get the browser shortcut since the iphone OS6, to which i would not have updated had i known it blew, blows for maps; i looked up the hours for ‘crossroads [on] fillmore [st.]’ as i wanted to sell two old shoes, which i did, in cash for $23, having spent ~$180 in total for both, whose capitalist dissonance one...
a peace sign whose fingers move farther apart towards infinity
Since Ratatouille (2007), which featured the ‘rustic’ peasant French titular dish, people with too much time have been cooking it in the style from the movie i.e. with super thinly sliced main constituents (‘japanese’ eggplant, zucchini, yellow squash) set in rainbow alternate colors, which is what I did tonight. I went to farmers market, saw eggplant, zucchini [*], and...
September 2012
12 posts
(a) in 1998 axl rose’s tattoo was still pretty dope, though his band had been on hiatus for four years. they were about to release ‘chinese democracy,’ a swollen, stifled, and obsolete record which tanked
(b) in 2006 his tattooed was blurred by ‘life,’ right before his notable weight gain. his band members’ skull-faces were blackened by the plague, every...
feel like i’m hitting a ‘creative wall,’ can’t seem to believe in anything, yet still feel the urge to create. so today i launched an ad campaign for cat litter, marketed towards old people in Britain. totally unrelated, but today i compared the hair of meg ryan (orgasm in when harry met sally) and kurt cobain (‘lithium’ video) and they seemed similar in how...
until i was around 10 years old, i wiped my ass the wrong direction, going forward from anus, over my scrotum, instead of obviously backwards toward the crack. subsequently, my scrotum became stained or ‘buffed’ brown, or void of any euphemism, ‘shit stained’; at around 10, i realized something was amiss, and started wiping my ass the correct way. above is an illustration...
used photoshop ‘perspective’ tool to make it seem like this dude wants to shake your hand, foreshortening has felt intimate since mantegna’s ‘the lamentation over dead christ’ (c. 1480); feels weird to me, also gave him a nice sack and an atrophied left arm, feel like this could be a t-shirt that drug addicts or graphic designers could wear when they go home for...
Listen
june “mama” shannon is the 32-year-old mother of alana “honey boo boo,” of here comes honey boo boo on TLC; sister anna “chickadee” shannon is 17-years-old and preggers & sorry but i keep thinking ‘damn, young snatch for a lucky bro…’ and that bro is one david dunn, who looks like a skin head. anyways, this all takes place in a hick town...
about once a week i erratically, because i don’t care about or respect my life and feel destructive, mis-type my password at work and get locked out, then i go down and stick a post-it on my I.T.’s door, then he begrudgingly resets it and tells me next time to try to enter it in properly, saying i have 4 chances to do so. he just unlocked it and now i’m online and listening to...
lasagna recipe
boil lasagna, let rest on paper towel, soaking up extra water; open bottle of wine to accompany the preparation and consumption of this lasagna.
slice portabella mushroom thinly; slice zucchini length-wise very thinly using a mandolin (or, if you don’t have one, a peeler); chop 3-4 cloves of garlic
cook garlic, then mushroom, then zucchini in a pan with olive oil until they look...
oral history and a craigslist ad
every friday i check out what movies are coming out and watch the best rated one that weekend, as i believe my tastes are similar to the populace’s; basically, if it’s good enough for america, it’s good enough for me. i’m not like one of those elitists who call movies dumb, and whose view of the word is like a barbara kruger poster, all abridged and self-contained, though...
August 2012
14 posts
four unrelated emails i sent at work
She’s an Asian female in her late 30s/early 40s whose eccentric ‘flashy’/ostentatious clothes seem more fitting for a 15-17 year old; she’s been here to see others under the same vague premise that she is acquainted. My guess is either she’s looking for employment (erroneously thinking face-to-face ‘pushy’ is good), or of psychiatric disposition. At this...
